Wellbeing Wednesday: Celebrating Chaos Why An Imperfect Family Gathering is Perfectly Perfect

Welcome back to Wellbeing Wednesday! The holidays are nearly here, and everywhere we look, we are fed images of serene, perfectly dressed families enjoying synchronised, peaceful moments.

But let’s be honest usually: Perfection is a myth.

True wellbeing during the holidays isn’t about controlling Great Aunt Edna or ensuring the gravy is lump-free. It’s about recognising that chaos is also perfectly perfect. It’s about lowering the bar so low that you can trip over it, laugh, and focus on the messy, authentic joy of being together.

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The Freedom in Letting Go

The greatest source of holiday stress is the relentless pursuit of an ideal that doesn’t exist. When you cling to the idea of a “perfect” gathering, you set yourself up for disappointment and react negatively when reality inevitably intervenes (spilled wine, awkward questions, someone arriving late).

The revolutionary act of self-care this holiday is simply deciding: Nothing has to be perfect.

Here are three ways to swap rigid control for relaxed enjoyment:

1. Embrace the Mess (The Environment)

Stop viewing chaos as a failure and start viewing it as evidence of life being fully lived.

• The Power of the Passable: The house doesn’t need to be immaculate. If it’s safe and there’s a place to sit, it’s done! Clutter is simply a sign that people are busy doing things that matter, like celebrating.
• Dinner Can Be Wobbly: If the centrepiece is a little off-centre, (or you don’t have one) or the kids are eating off paper plates because you ran out of the good plates, that’s fine. Focus on the fact that you gathered people you love and fed them. Nourishment wins over presentation, every time.
• The Unscripted Moment: The moment your carefully planned schedule goes sideways (the turkey burns, the baby screams, the dog steals a slipper), that is the story you will tell next year. Lean into the ridiculousness, take a deep breath, and laugh.

Actionable Tip:

Before guests arrive, look around and identify three things that are “good enough” but not perfect (e.g., the bathroom needs wiping, the lights are tangled, the cookies are slightly burnt). Decide you are letting them go. Your brain will stop nagging you about them.

2. Swap Control for Curiosity (The Interactions)

The moments we usually dread (the probing questions, the political rants) are often only stressful because we feel compelled to fix them or defend ourselves. When you embrace chaos, you remove your responsibility to control other people’s opinions.

• Be a Tourist in Your Own Family: Approach the gathering with genuine curiosity, not judgment. Great Aunty’s unsolicited advice? Just say, “That’s an interesting perspective! I’ll think about that.” (And then don’t.) You don’t have to agree to validate that they spoke.
• Let the Debate Happen (Without You): When a topic you usually dread (like politics) erupts, allow yourself to step out of the ring. You can physically excuse yourself to “check the potatoes” or mentally check out. Tell yourself: “I am observing this dynamic. I do not need to participate.”
• The Joy of the Undefended Self: If someone asks a probing question about your job or life choices, your response can be breezy and boundary-free: “Oh, it’s great! Anyway, tell me about your garden this year.” Change the subject with conviction.

3. Seek Moments of Genuine Connection (The Core Value)

When you strip away the pressure of perfection, you reveal the true purpose of the day: connection.

• Prioritize People Over Tasks: If you have to choose between scrubbing the kitchen floor or spending 15 minutes listening to your grandmother tell a story, choose the story. The connection is the irreplaceable memory; the floor can wait.
• Find Your Anchor: Identify the people who make you feel good…. the person who laughs the loudest, the quiet person who listens well. Spend extra time near them. Use them as an island of calm in the beautiful storm.
• Your Only Job is Presence: You don’t have to be the perfect host or the perfect guest. Your only job is to be present. Be there, be fed, be warm, and appreciate the messy, imperfect, and completely unique group of people you have gathered.

This holiday, let go of the reins. Allow your Christmas to be a little unhinged, a little chaotic, and entirely, wonderfully, and perfectly real.

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What is one tradition you are giving yourself permission to skip or mess up this year?