Welcome back to Wellbeing Wednesday. Today, I want to talk about a word that isn’t used nearly enough, yet it describes one of the most seismic, earth-shattering transitions a human being can experience. That word is Matrescence.

Coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael and beautifully explored in Lucy Jones’ groundbreaking book Matrescence, it describes the deep physical, psychological, social, and emotional transition of becoming a mother. Lucy Jones writes about it not as a fleeting phase or a simple case of “the baby blues,” but as a total overhaul of the self; a developmental shift as massive, hormonal, and disorienting as adolescence.

During matrescence, the woman you used to be and the mother you are trying to become often clash. You are navigating an intense “Acoustic Overload” of crying, toys, and advice, all while grieving your old life (that deep sense of Hiraeth I often talk about here).

As a music therapist, a mum, and someone who intimately understands this transition, I want to explore how we can use music as a lifeline to support our mental health, protect our “body budget,” and find a safe haven within ourselves during this profound identity shift.

1. Music to Validate the “Split Self”

One of the core themes in Matrescence is the feeling of being split in two. You are fiercely protective of this new little life, yet desperately longing for your independent, uninterrupted old self. This internal conflict can make you feel incredibly guilty and isolated.

• The Music Therapy Link: The Dissonant Chord. In music, a dissonant chord contains notes that clash and create tension. It isn’t “bad” music; it is essential for creating depth, drama, and eventual resolution. Matrescence is inherently dissonant. You are allowed to feel deep love and deep exhaustion at the exact same time.
• The Practice: The “Two-Sided” Playlist. Create a personal playlist that bridges your two worlds. Include songs that remind you of your pre-motherhood identity (the songs you danced to, traveled to, or worked to) alongside songs that bring you peace in your new role.
• The Goal: Listening to your history reminds your nervous system that the melody of your life is still there. You haven’t vanished; your song is just expanding.

2. Upgrading Your “Acoustic Environment”

When you are in the thick of matrescence, your sensory boundaries are constantly breached. The baby is crying, the washing machine is humming, the toys are making electronic noises, and your internal critic is analyzing every move. This high-stimulus environment keeps your brain in a state of constant survival arousal.

• The Wellbeing Truth: You cannot always control the environment around you, but you can introduce a “buffer” to protect your instrument.
• The Practice: The Sonic De-Escalation. If the sensory overload is peaking, put in a single wireless headphone (leaving one ear open for safety) and play a low-frequency, lyric-free track—like gentle ambient piano or Green Noise (the sound of wind through trees).
• Why it works: By intentionally masking the chaotic frequencies of the room with a steady, predictable rhythm, you tell your vagus nerve that you are safe. It lowers your heart rate and prevents you from slipping into full “Superwoman” panic mode.
• An Extension to this may be to share this sound, pop it on for the rest of the family to hear too…. it may well be that they are seeking some safety too. Try using music like “Weightless” by Marconi Union, a track I have mentioned before and is associated with anxiety reduction.

3. The Power of the Shared Pulse: Community, Funding, and Safe Spaces

You cannot survive a planetary shift like matrescence on your own. Lucy Jones highlights how modern society isolates mothers, keeping them tucked away behind closed doors, expected to figure it out in silence. But human mothers were always meant to raise children in a village.

• Creating a Space to Share Freely: We desperately need spaces where the “public mask” can be dropped. A space where you can sit down, look another mother in the eyes, and say, “I am drowning today,” and be met with absolute validation instead of a critique. When we share our messy tries freely with others who truly understand, the heavy shame of not being “perfect” completely evaporates.
• Why Funding is Vital: True community support shouldn’t be a luxury available only to those who can afford expensive private classes. Securing funding for accessible maternal wellbeing groups, community music therapy sessions, and creative hubs is vital. I was lucky to recieve funding to start my Haven Songs Music Therapy group, but it now runs on a voluntary basis. But I am passionate to ensure that every caregiver, regardless of financial position, has access to a Safe Haven where she can find her tribe.
• The Music Therapy Link: Common Ground. In a group setting, music acts as the ultimate equalizer. When mothers gather to sing, hum, or play instruments together, their nervous systems physically synchronize. You don’t have to explain your burnout to the room; your shared pulse speaks for you. At the end of our therapy session we also allow time for a cuppa and a chat, a chance to share your fears, thoughts, feelings with other caregivers who can understand and empathise with you. It is a space made for caregivers to unburden, regulate and connect.

4. Reclaiming Agency Through the “Vocal Cradle”

Lucy Jones talks about how mothers are often viewed merely as vessels or caregivers, losing their own agency in the process. Singing or vocalizing is one of the quickest, zero-cost ways to reclaim your body as yours.

• The Exercise: The Mother’s Humming Reset. When holding your baby, or even when you finally get a moment alone in the bathroom, place one hand on your chest. Take a deep, 4-count breath into your belly, and let out a long, low, gentle hum on the exhale.
• The Clinical Science: The physical vibration of humming stimulates the vagus nerve in your throat and chest, physically forcing your body out of fight-or-flight and into a state of “Rest and Digest.” Beautifully, if you are holding your baby, they will feel that physical vibration too, co-regulating both of your nervous systems simultaneously.

Your Matrescence Wellbeing Toolkit:

• The “Me” Track: Listen to just one song today that has absolutely nothing to do with children or parenting. Listen to it purely because it feeds your soul.
• The Space Check: Look for funded or local community-led creative groups in your area this week. Reaching out to a shared space is an investment in your mental health. And if you are Pembrokeshire based and would like to join the Haven Songs Therapy group, please do drop me a message, you will be very welcome. 😀
• The Collective Hum: If you have a friend who is also navigating motherhood, skip the tidy coffee shop date. Sit in the living room, put your phones away, and just let the kids play while you two talk honestly, warts and all.

Becoming a parent is a profound re-tuning of your entire being. Give yourself the unconditional grace to navigate this transition one note at a time, and remember, you were never meant to sing this song alone, you can find a tribe that will welcome and share this journey with you.

Welcome back to Wellbeing Wednesday. Today, I want to pull back the curtain on a specific part of my professional life that has recently got me thinking deeply about how we manage our personal wellbeing.

As a newly qualified music therapist, teacher and theatre creative, my week involves a lot of emotional output. To ensure that my own instrument doesn’t crack under the weight of holding space for others, I have a therapeutic supervisor.

For those who haven’t encountered supervision, it isn’t management, and it certainly isn’t an inspection. My supervisor is not there to critique me, score my performance, or tell me where I’ve “failed.” Instead, they act as a clinical sounding board; a safe, objective harbour where I can lay down the messy tangles of the week, bounce ideas around, and be gently guided toward other ways of thinking.

It made me realize that this shouldn’t just be a luxury reserved for clinical training. We all need a supervisor for our lives. We all need a tribe, or even just that one person, who acts not as a critic, but as a compassionate guide for our mental health. (in honesty, I have an army of those people in my phone, who listen to my voice note rants regularly and offer their support whenever they can. I may not have them in person always, but they live in my phone!)

1. The Danger of the “Internal Echo Chamber”

When we try to navigate stress, career decisions, parenting, or big life changes entirely in our own heads, we create an internal echo chamber. Our worries bounce off the walls of our mind, amplifying until a tiny problem sounds like a deafening crisis.

• The Music Therapy Link: Acoustic Mud. If you play a loud chord in a room with terrible acoustics and no dampening, the sound reflections bleed into each other until it just becomes a muddy, chaotic wall of noise. You lose the clarity of the individual notes…… some would say, “build a drum screen” (iykyk…. and now I know who has read this one ;))
• The Tribal Solution: A true sounding board acts as the acoustic treatment for your mind. When you speak your thoughts out loud to someone who meets you with Unconditional Positive Regard, the “mud” clears. They help you separate the signal from the noise.

2. Not Critique, But “Reframing”

There is a massive difference between a critic and a supervisor. A critic tells you what you did wrong based on their standards. A therapeutic supervisor looks at the map with you and says, “Let’s look at this chord from a different angle. What happens if we try a different rhythm here?”

• The Practice: Finding Your “Guaranteed Safe Passage” Person. Look at your current circle. Your tribe shouldn’t be filled with “yes-men,” nor should it be filled with critics. You are looking for people who offer a Safe Haven for your unpolished, half-formed thoughts.
• The Reframing Power: When you say, “I feel like I’m failing as Superwoman this week,” a true tribe member doesn’t judge. They guide your perspective: “Or maybe you’re just a human who has reached her capacity, and it’s time to switch off.”

3. The Relief of “Unloading the Counter-Transference”

In therapy, we talk about counter-transference—the way we unconsciously absorb and carry the emotional energy, anxieties, and moods of the people we care for. If you are a mother, a teacher, or a business owner, you are absorbing emotional energy all day long.

• The Integration: You cannot store everyone else’s emotional data without a designated place to download it. A supervisory relationship, whether professional or a deeply trusted friendship, is a dedicated space where you are legally and emotionally allowed to say, “This is heavy. Help me unpack it.”
• The Goal: To step out of the echo chamber, re-tune your perspective, and walk back into your world with absolute clarity.

Your “Sounding Board” Toolkit:

• The Explicit Ask: The next time you need to vent to your partner or a friend, set the stage explicitly: “I don’t need you to fix this or critique me. I just need you to be my sounding board while I figure it out out loud.”
• The Collaborative Sync: Dedicate a 15-minute “coffee catch-up” with a trusted peer this week purely to bounce ideas around with zero judgment.
• The “Other Perspective” Reframe: When stuck on a problem, consciously ask yourself: “How would my life-supervisor look at this right now?”

You don’t have to conduct your life in total isolation. Reach out to your tribe, find your sounding board, and let someone else help you find the harmony when the noise gets a little too loud.

Welcome back to Wellbeing Wednesday. Today, we need to talk about a massive, historic shift that is currently happening across the UK, one that is causing an audible sigh of relief from some caregivers and a wave of panic from others. I’m talking about the UK’s new social media ban for under-16s.

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you’ll know how much a brilliant analogy from The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt resonates with me. He compares the invention of the smartphone-led childhood to jettisoning our kids to Mars: unaccompanied, unexplored, and unprepared. For years, parents have been blamed for their teenagers’ online behavior, completely forgetting that we were the ones sent to Mars first, completely unguided ourselves!

I don’t know if this is anyone’s “fault” as such; this genie came out of the bottle and far exceeded what we all thought it would do. But now, we need, for our own and our children’s well-being, to take back control, which can be a very scary and daunting thought.

With this new legislation, the UK is finally trying to bring the next generation back down to Earth. From a clinical, music therapy, and developmental perspective, this is a monumental moment for maternal and adolescent wellbeing. I have seen and heard many opinions on the subject, and I am not here to judge nor condemn. What I would like to do is offer support through this transition and offer alternatives. If they work for you, brilliant.

So, what if your loved one is already on “Mars”? What if they already have multiple active accounts, and you are now tasked with managing the fallout of this massive digital boundary?

1. Why This Matters for Teen Wellbeing: Lowering the “Vigilance Frequency”

For a teenager, social media isn’t just an app; it’s a constant, high-frequency thrum of social feedback. Their developing nervous systems are exposed 24/7 to the algorithms of comparison, FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), and quantified popularity (likes, views, follower counts).

• The Music Therapy Link: The Over-Amplified Feedback Loop. Imagine an electric guitar placed too close to its amplifier. It creates a piercing, painful screech of feedback that grows louder and more destructive the longer it sits there. Social media does the same to a teen’s brain. It keeps them in a state of “low-level vigilance”—subconsciously waiting for the next notification, even when they sleep.
• The Benefit of the Ban: By removing legal access to these apps, we are lowering the societal “noise floor.” It gives their brains a chance to step away from the feedback loop and settle into a healthier, more natural emotional rhythm.

2. Remind Your Loved One: This IS NOT a Ban on Connection

We know that social media can feel like a lifeline to some young people; it can feel like the only place where they can be seen and accepted. But what is important to remember here is that this is not a ban on communication. Mobile phones will still be allowed. You can still message, video call, email, text, and WhatsApp (so far, this isn’t included in the ban list). There are still infinite ways to communicate with your tribe; we just need to reframe our expectations of how this will happen.

3. The Great “Withdrawal”: Managing the Shift If They Already Have Accounts

If your child is under 16 and already has TikTok, Instagram, or Snapchat, this ban isn’t just a policy change; it’s going to feel like a cultural eviction. For a teenager, asking them to delete their accounts can feel like asking them to stop breathing. How do we navigate this transition without starting a household war?

• The “Shared Disappointment” Harmony: Don’t position yourself as the executioner. Frame it as a collective, nationwide shift. Validate their anger and sadness with Unconditional Positive Regard. You can say: “I know this feels incredibly unfair, and I know you’re going to miss your online spaces. It’s okay to be angry about it.”
• The “Lead by Example” Solo: This is our golden opportunity as parents to look at our own usage. If we are telling our under-16s they can’t be on apps while we are glued to our own doom-scroll at the dinner table, the harmony is broken. Let them see you putting boundaries on your own tech.
• The “Grown-Up” Alternative: If they lose their social media, replace it with something tangible. Upgrade their “Acoustic Environment.” Work together to find a creative hobby, a sports club, or, as I talked about last week, a creative passion like music, drama, or art. We have to give them something to run toward, not just something taken away.

4. Reclaiming “Real-Life Resonance”

Historically, human connection was built on Synchrony—singing together, playing games, sitting face-to-face, and reading body language. Social media offers a filtered, artificial version of connection that strips away all the raw, beautiful reality of human interaction.

• The Strategy: The Shared House Pulse. Use this legislative shift to reset your home’s Safe Haven. Re-introduce the “Charging Station” in the kitchen where all devices go to sleep at night. Dedicate phone-free zones for family meals where you can practice active, present listening.
• The Goal: To help our children realize that their internal song is worth hearing based on who they are in the real world, not how many likes they get from strangers on a screen.

Your Tech Shift Toolkit:

• The “It’s the Law” Reframe: Use the policy as your shield. It takes the pressure off you being the “bad guy” and places it on a collective health decision.
• The Creative Bridge: Re-introduce non-connected audio devices (like older MP3 players or CD players) if they used social media apps for background music or sleep sounds.
• The “Real-World” Glimmer: Actively schedule face-to-face time with their friends (sleepovers, movie nights, or trips out) to replace the digital connection they are losing.

This transition isn’t going to be easy. There will be slamming doors, eye-rolls, and a lot of emotional static. But remember: drawing a line at the digital border is a brave act of love. We are bringing our kids back from Mars, and we are helping them find their footing on solid, authentic ground.

Wellbeing Wednesday: Feeding the Soul. The Vital Importance of Embracing Your Creative Passion

Welcome back to Wellbeing Wednesday. Today, I want to talk about a part of our health that often gets pushed to the absolute bottom of the to-do list: our creativity. When life gets busy, the family schedule is packed, the world goes crazy, or the financial climate is loud, our creative passions are usually the first things we sacrifice. We tell ourselves that painting, singing, writing, acting, or picking up an instrument are “luxuries” we don’t have time for. We fall into the trap of thinking that if an activity doesn’t produce an income or cross an item off our chore list, it isn’t a productive use of our energy.

But as a music therapist and a theatre creative, I am here to tell you that embracing your creative passion isn’t an indulgence. It is essential maintenance for your soul. When you abandon your creative outlets, you aren’t just saving time; you are starving your authentic self.

I am very guilty of this. While I “create” every single day in my jobs, rarely do I let go and create purely for me, for my own soul.

I was spurred on to write this blog after my gig on Saturday night, where I got to sing my own arrangements just to entertain and feed my creative side. I always come alive during a gig and remember why I need my music. And I don’t say this lightly: I NEED IT. I need it to feed my soul, to remind me why I’m me, and to connect to an internal voice who, when I lose touch with her, limits my ability to love and care for myself in a very big way.

So, sitting down to write this today, I recorded this song. I intentionally made time to sit and record not only the piano and vocals, but to get my clarinet out, something I don’t do much anymore, which makes my soul sad. This recording was a half-hour’s work, tops. There is very little studio magic here; just one and a half run-throughs and away we go. It’s not perfect. It’s not going to set the world alight! There are missed pitches, dodgy recording moments, and the timing is rough, but it’s exactly how I felt today.

I adore the lyrics in this song, so I thought, why not? Creating for me, creating a song I never sing professionally, and bringing back my clarinet. Love it or hate it, I am putting it here for you to hear me, warts and all.

1. Creativity as a “Release Valve” for Stress

We swallow a lot of emotional tension throughout the week. We manage difficult conversations, handle unexpected bills, and hold space for everyone else’s worries. If that emotional energy has nowhere to go, it sits in our bodies as structural tension—tight shoulders, a clenched jaw, and an exhausted mind.

• The Music Therapy Link: The Creative Outlet. In therapy, we don’t look at creative expression as a way to make “perfect art.” We look at it as a form of non-verbal processing. Creativity is a safe highway for complex emotions to leave the body.
• The Practice: Give yourself five minutes today to engage in your passion completely free from expectations. If you love to sing, blast a track in the car and sing with zero regard for how “good” it sounds. If you love to paint, scribble colors on paper without worrying about the final image.
• The Goal: To move from “bottling up” your emotions to letting them flow.

2. Stepping into the “Flow State” (Your Mental Haven)

Have you ever been so lost in a creative project—whether it’s sewing, playing a piece on the piano, baking, or gardening—that you completely lost track of time? In psychology, this is known as the “Flow State.”

• The Science: When you are in a state of flow, your brain’s “Default Mode Network” (the part responsible for overthinking, worrying, and self-criticism) goes quiet. Your brain waves shift into an alpha or theta rhythm, which mimics deep meditation.
• Why it matters: Creativity is one of the few ways we can actively force our over-analytical, “Superwoman” brains to take a seat. It creates a portable, internal Haven where the demands of the outside world simply cannot reach you.

3. Reclaiming Identity Beyond Your “Roles”

It is incredibly easy to lose ourselves in our daily titles. We become “Mum,” “Teacher,” “Employee,” or “Caregiver.” We spend our lives performing these roles for the people around us.

• The Reconnection: Your creative passion is a direct line back to your Authentic Self. It reminds you of who you are when you aren’t serving anyone else. It honors your personal history, your unique perspective, and your individual voice.
• The Truth: When you protect your creative time, you are teaching your children, your partner, and yourself a powerful lesson: My joy matters. My inner world is worth cultivating.

Your Creative Wellbeing Toolkit:

• The “Messy Tries” Permission: Banish the “Public Critic.” Dedicate time to your passion where the goal is simply to play, fail beautifully, and enjoy the process.
• The Sonic Switch: If you can’t physically paint or write today, use music to spark your imagination. Close your eyes for three minutes and let a beautiful piece of instrumental music build a movie in your mind.
• The Tribe Share: Share your passion with someone else. Sing in a community choir, join an amateur dramatics group, or simply show a friend a poem you wrote. Connection multiplies creative joy.

You do not need to be a professional artist to live a creative life. You are the composer of your own wellbeing, and your heart song deserves to be heard. Put down the chore list for just a few moments this week, pick up your “instrument,” whatever it may be, and let yourself play.

Don’t ever be frightened to be creative, be authentic, be you!

Welcome back to Wellbeing Wednesday. This week, my world is being lived at a very specific, high-intensity frequency. If you’ve been following along, you’ll know that the Saundersfoot Footlights are performing Made in Dagenham this week.

Last night’s performance was one of those rare, transcendent moments in theatre. The cast felt it, the audience felt it… the atmosphere was electric. One of the reasons I love being a theatre creative is that we get to share stories that can make a change. Even if it’s just a small pause for thought, it can inspire someone to challenge their traditions and ways of thinking.

This week, it is an absolute gift to share the story of the 1968 Ford Dagenham strike, where a group of women stood up, supported one another, and fought for equal pay against a world that was screaming at them to sit down and stop. And they persisted, through marital unrest, being working parents, and against the weight of the patriarchy, but they stood up nonetheless.

As soon as I was asked to be the Musical Director for this show, it woke up a deep, resonant chord within me. It inspired me to reflect on my own career, on moments of injustice and inequality that I have suffered, and, more importantly, that others I know have suffered. Sadly, what the ladies of Dagenham faced in the sixties, many women are still facing today. Our voices are not always heard; they are often marginalised and ignored.

I have nothing but the greatest respect and admiration for those people who stand up against the odds to speak their truth. But facing inequality, whether you are fighting for systemic change, battling for fairness in your industry, or standing up for yourself in your daily life, takes a toll on your wellbeing.

How do we fight for a cause without letting the battle break us?

1. The Cost of “Emotional Labor”

When you are fighting against inequality or standing up for what is right, you aren’t just spending time; you are spending emotional capital. Your nervous system is constantly navigating conflict, rejection, and the systemic “noise” that tells you your voice doesn’t matter.

• The Music Therapy Link: The Fortissimo Fatigue. In music, fortissimo means playing very loudly. You can blast a powerful, loud chord for a short moment to make a point, but if an orchestra plays fortissimo for an entire movement, the musicians become exhausted, the instruments strain, and the music loses its impact.
• The Practice: Recognize that advocacy requires intentional pianissimo (quiet) periods. You cannot stay in the battle 24/7. Your wellbeing requires dedicated “down-tempos” where the fight is parked at the door.

2. The Power of “Shared Resonance” (Your Dagenham Tribe)

The true magic of Made in Dagenham isn’t just that the women fought; it’s that they fought together. When one woman’s voice wavered, the others picked up the harmony. My second-favourite cue line in the show is: “You are not alone!” (If you read this far and want to know my actual favourite, you’ll have to drop me a line haha)

• The Support: When facing inequality, isolation is the enemy. You cannot carry the weight of a cause as a solo act. You need an Authentic Tribe—a community of people who meet you with Unconditional Positive Regard, where you can drop your armor and say, “I am tired.”
• The Integration: True collective wellbeing means allowing others to hold the line while you rest. Synchronizing your rhythm with others who share your values doesn’t just make the fight stronger; it keeps you safer.

3. Reclaiming Agency Through the “Vocal Anchor”

When the world tells you to stop, it tries to constrict your throat and diminish your presence. Standing up can cause your adrenaline to spike, leading to rapid, shallow breathing and a racing heart.

• The Exercise: The Anthem Breath. Before you step into a difficult conversation, a meeting, or a moment where you have to advocate for yourself:
  1. Place one hand on your belly and one hand on your chest.
  2. Inhale deeply for a count of 4, feeling your torso expand.
  3. On the exhale, let out a low, grounding, resonant hum for as long as you can.
• Why it works: This physical vibration stimulates your vagus nerve, sending a safety signal to your brain. It reminds your body that even when the external world is unfair, your Internal Haven is solid, portable, and entirely yours to command.

Your Advocate’s Wellbeing Toolkit:

• The Boundary Sunset: Set a time every evening where you stop reading the news, responding to emails, or debating the cause.
• The “Glimmer” of Joy: Intentionally seek out moments of pure, unadulterated joy that have nothing to do with the fight. A shared laugh, a beautiful piece of music, a walk in nature. Joy is an act of resistance.
• The “Dagenham” Principle: Look at the person next to you. How can you support their harmony today, and how can you let them support yours?

MOST IMPORTANTLY:

Try to find the space to embrace your own creativity, whatever your heart song is. Take five minutes to journal, paint, sing, or run around. Even a glimmer of this can help you reconnect through the overwhelm that feels out of your control.

Sharing these stories on stage is a beautiful gift, but the real work happens when the curtains come down. To anyone fighting a battle against inequality today: Remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup, and you cannot play on broken strings. Look after your instrument. Your voice is too important to let it burn out.

If you are interested in coming to see this incredible show, head to Saundersfoot Footlights web page for more information.

Welcome back to Wellbeing Wednesday. Today, I want to talk about a phrase that people use as a compliment, but often feels like a heavy, suffocating weight: “I don’t know how you do it, you’re like Superwoman.”

If you are a parent, a freelancer, a teacher, a performer, or a caregiver, chances are you’ve heard this before. People see you smiling, ploughing through the chaos, managing the household, and powering through unexpected bills or viruses. They see you “always getting it done” and assume that you’ve “got this.”

But what some see as a superhero is often just a person trapped in a cycle of survival. The mask of “Superwoman” can become a wall that isolates us and prevents us from reaching out for help when it’s needed.

So, how do we show people that we don’t have this? How do we admit that even the superhero needs a team, a haven, and a hand to hold? (I am as guilty of this as anyone, so I feel it’s important to say… I don’t have the answers. I’m learning and growing, but still not got it right!)

1. The Trap of the “Polished Performance”

In the performing arts, we know all about the “show face.” No matter how terrifying things are backstage, when the curtain goes up, you smile and deliver. But when you apply that same rule to your daily life, it becomes dangerous.

• The Wellbeing Truth: When we constantly show the world a polished, invincible version of ourselves, we unintentionally teach people the wrong thing. We condition our friends, family, and clients to think, “Oh, she’ll handle it. She always does.”
• The Music Therapy Link: The “Forced Harmony.” Trying to maintain a perfect, pleasant chord on the outside when you are screaming in dissonance on the inside strains your emotional instrument. It leads directly to physical tension; headaches, a tight jaw, and complete exhaustion.

2. Changing the Script: From “I’m Fine” to “I’m Full”

Breaking out of the Superhero cycle requires the bravery to change our daily “script.” We have to stop defaults like “I’m fine, just busy!” and start speaking our truth.

• The Practice: The “Capacity” Reframing. The next time someone asks how you are, or tries to add another task to your plate, try shifting your language:
  • Instead of: “Yeah, sure, I can fit that in!”
  • Try: “I’ve reached my capacity for this week, so I won’t be able to take that on.”
  • Instead of: “I’m fine, thank you!”
  • Try: “Honestly? It’s a bit of a heavy week right now. I’m feeling quite run down.”
• Why it works: It acts like a “sonic pause.” It interrupts people’s assumption that you are a machine and forces them to see your humanity.

3. The Bravery of Asking for Help

Asking for help doesn’t mean you are weak, or, in my case “not good enough”; it means you are strategic.

• The Practice: Specific Requests. People often want to help, but because you look like “Superwoman,” they don’t know where to start. Replace vague statements with clear directives:
  • “I’m really struggling to balance things today. Could you pick up the grocery shop for me?”
  • “I need twenty minutes of quiet to reset. Can you watch the kids while I take a walk?”
• The Reframe: Giving someone the chance to support you is an act of trust. It builds your tribe and strengthens the connections that mental health and freelance survival rely on.

4. Tuning into Your “Inner Haven”

Before you can tell the world you need help, you have to admit it to yourself. You have to give yourself radical permission to put down the cape and just be a human who is trying her best.

• The Tonal Exercise: The Crumple. If you feel the pressure to “power through” rising up, find a quiet space. Let your shoulders drop, un-clench your jaw, place a hand on your chest, and let out a long, heavy, vocalized sigh.
• The Mantra: “I am a human being, not a human doing. I am allowed to rest. I am allowed to need help.”

Your “Cape-Off” Toolkit:

• The Reality Check: When someone calls you Superwoman, gently correct them: “Thank you, but I’m actually running on fumes this week!”
• The 24-Hour Buffer: Never say yes to a new demand immediately. Check your actual “Body Budget” first.
• The Specific Ask: Identify one thing today that you can hand over to someone else.

You do not need to be bulletproof to be valuable. Your worth is not measured by how much pressure you can withstand before you break. This week, drop the cape, step out of the spotlight, and let your community support the beautiful, authentic, wonderfully human person behind the professional.

Welcome back to Wellbeing Wednesday. If you are a student, a teacher, or a parent living in a house currently filled with highlighters and practice papers, you know exactly what the “Exam Season” frequency feels like.

It is a season of high-stakes “performance,” where the pressure to achieve can create a constant, frantic tempo in our internal lives. In the world of performing arts and music therapy, we understand that no one can play their best if their instrument is out of tune or their strings are stretched to the breaking point and so many people think they need to pause creative endeavours to focus on exams, but this is not always the best way. Embracing your creativity at this time may help to lower your anxiety and increase productivity. It will most certainly help to avoid burn out.

So I wanted to talk about how to maintain your well-being during exams, not by “ignoring” the work, but by managing the “Acoustic Environment” of your mind.

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1. The “Performance Anxiety” Reset

Exams are, essentially, a solo performance. The “Public Critic” in our heads starts to shout: “What if I forget? What if I fail? What if I’m not enough?” This triggers our survival brain, making it harder to access the complex information we’ve actually spent months learning.

• The Music Therapy Link: Grounding the Solo. When a performer is panicking, we bring them back to their senses.
• The Practice: The 5-4-3-2-1 Sensory Check. Stop the revision for 2 minutes.
  • Name 5 things you can see.
  • 4 things you can touch.
  • 3 things you can hear.
  • 2 things you can smell.
  • 1 thing you can taste.
• The Goal: This pulls your brain out of the “future-fearing” loop and back into the safety of the present moment.

2. Managing the “Revision Noise”

We often think that total silence is the only way to study, or we blast high-energy music to stay awake. Both can actually increase cortisol (the stress hormone).

• The Wellbeing Tip: The “Binaural” Buffer. Try listening to Lo-Fi beats or Alpha Wave music. These tracks are designed to mimic the brain’s natural “focus” frequency.
• The Practice: The Pomodoro Playlist. Work for 25 minutes with focus music, then have a 5-minute “Sonic Break” where you listen to your favourite high-energy song and move your body.
• Why it works: It prevents the “frazzle” of long-term concentration and gives your brain a chance to consolidate what you’ve just read.

3. The “Night Before” Lullaby

Sleep is the most important “revision” tool you have. It is during sleep that your brain moves information from short-term memory to long-term storage. If you don’t sleep, you are essentially erasing your work.

• The Practice: The Digital Sunset. As we discussed in our Digital Detox blog, leave the phone downstairs. The “anticipatory anxiety” of a late-night text can ruin your REM cycle.
• The Tonal Reset: Before bed, try a Low Hum. Place your hand on your chest and hum a long, steady note. Feel the vibration. It tells your nervous system: “The work is over for today. It is safe to rest.”

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Your Exam Season Toolkit:

• The Morning Anchor: One deep, “Authentic Breath” before you open the first book.
• The “Glimmer” Break: 5 minutes outside. Look at the sky, not the screen.
• The Power Track: Have one song that makes you feel “Solid” and “Capable.” Play it right before you walk into the exam hall to set your internal tempo.

The Exam Season Study Buffer: Playlist Support.

I’ve put together a playlist of music that may help during this stressful season. If you are a student, try listening to some of these at the suggested times, if you are a parent or supporter, you could have some of this music playing in the car or at home to help support your loved one through this time.

1. The “Focus Flow” (For Revision)

The Goal: To mask background noise and encourage “Alpha Brain Waves” (the state of relaxed alertness).

• What to look for: Instrumental tracks with a steady tempo of 60–80 beats per minute (BPM). Avoid lyrics, as your brain will try to process the words instead of your notes!
• Genre Suggestions:
  • Baroque Classics: Vivaldi or Bach (the steady mathematical rhythms are perfect for logic and memory).
  • Ambient Video Game Soundtracks: (Think Skyrim or Minecraft) These are literally composed to keep you engaged without being distracting.

2. The “Anxiety Anchor” (For When Panic Rises)

The Goal: To physically lower your heart rate and trigger the “Rest and Digest” response.

• The Science: Look for music with long, sustained notes and no sudden changes in volume. This prevents the “startle” reflex.
• Suggested Songs/Artists:
  • “Weightless” by Marconi Union: Specially designed with therapists to reduce anxiety by up to 65%.
  • “Spiegel im Spiegel” by Arvo Pärt: A repetitive, bell-like piano and violin piece that feels like a steady heartbeat.
  • “Gymnopédie No. 1” by Erik Satie: A timeless classic for finding a moment of stillness.
  • Nature Sounds: Specifically “Green Noise” (wind through leaves) or heavy rainfall.

3. The “Power Performance” (The 5 Minutes Before the Exam)

The Goal: To move from “Anxious” to “Empowered.”

• What to look for: A song with a strong, driving beat and lyrics that remind you of your Authentic Self and your capability.
• The Practice: Listen to this on your way to the hall. Don’t look at your notes; just focus on the rhythm. This is your “Armor.”

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The “Emergency Anxiety” Reset: The 2-Minute Hum

If you feel a panic spiral starting during a study session or even while sitting at your desk in the hall:

1. Place your hand on your collarbone.
2. Take a 4-count breath in.
3. Hum a low, steady note on the exhale.
4. Focus entirely on the vibration under your hand. This vibration sends a direct signal to your Vagus Nerve that you are safe. It overrides the “Alarm” and lets you get back to the music of your mind.

To every student and parent in the thick of it: You are more than a grade on a piece of paper. Every exam you do is just a moment in time, it doesn’t truly define you as a person and it is not your whole song.

Welcome back to Wellbeing Wednesday. Today is World Maternal Mental Health Day, and it feels like the perfect moment to talk about something fundamental to our survival as parents: Connection.

In the early days of motherhood, or even years into the journey, there is a specific kind of loneliness that can set in. You can be in a room full of people, holding a baby or chasing a toddler, and yet feel entirely “bordered off” from the world. We weren’t meant to do this in isolation. We were meant to have a village, a tribe, to support us when our own voices waver. Historically, this often involved singing as a group to get through chores together and to soothe and entertain little ones, something we have lost in modern society but was an essential tool that we could look to reengaging with.

Today, let’s talk about the importance of finding your community and how music therapy can be the bridge that leads you to your people.

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1. Breaking the “Solo” Cycle

Motherhood often feels like a long, repetitive solo. We move through the “Acoustic Overload” of crying, household hums, and internal “shoulds” entirely on our own. Maternal mental health struggles, anxiety, depression, or that heavy sense of “Hiraeth” for our old selves, thrive in the silence of isolation.

• The Music Therapy Reframe: In music, a single note is beautiful, but it is resonance (the way notes vibrate together) that creates depth and strength.
• The Practice: Acknowledge that you weren’t built to carry the melody alone. Seeking a “tribe” isn’t a sign that you are failing; it’s a sign that you are ready to find your full sound. If you can, reach out to local mum pages or groups. You may not be alone in how you feel, and reaching out could give someone else a little courage, too!

2. Music as the Universal Language of “And Me”

(Incidentally, “and me” were some of the first words I said, not an uncommon phrase for younger siblings…. even then I was keen to be part of the tribe.)

Sometimes, the hardest part of finding your community is the “small talk.” When you’re exhausted, the thought of explaining yourself to strangers feels like a mountain. This is where a Music Therapy Group or a creative community changes the game.

• The Shared Pulse: In a music therapy group, we don’t start with “How are you?” We start with a song. When a group of mums finds a sound, the “public masks” drop. You don’t have to explain your feelings in that moment; it’s right there in the way you sing, and a registered music therapist can see, hold, and support you in this.
• Synchrony: When we sing, hum, or play together, our heart rates and breathing actually begin to align. This physical Synchrony tells your nervous system: “You are safe. You are among friends. You are part of the whole.” This is the quickest way to melt the ice of isolation.

3. Finding Your “Authentic Tribe”

Your “tribe” aren’t the people who demand a polished performance from you; they are the people who hold a Safe Haven for your “messy tries.”

• The Support: A music-led community offers a space safe from judgment. It’s a place where you can be “Authentically You”, the tired version, the creative version, the “not-sure-if-I’m-doing-this-right” version, and still be met with Unconditional Positive Regard. A therapist’s driving force is to meet you right where you are.
• The Reconnection: By finding a community that values creativity over perfection, you begin to reclaim the identity that motherhood sometimes swallows. You find that you aren’t just “Mum”; you are a vital thread in a vibrant, supportive weave.

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Your “Tribe” Toolkit for Maternal Mental Health:

• Seek the Pulse: Look for local mums’ groups that focus on creativity, music, or movement. Shared activity lowers the barrier to connection.
• The “Micro-Connection”: If you can’t get to a group today, try using a tool like our Haven Songs playlist. You can click on a song shared by another mum; it may help to feel a connection in those darker hours.
• The Collective Hum: If you’re with other parents, try a “30-second hum” together before the chaos starts. It’s a tiny act of synchrony that reminds you you’re in this together.

To every mum reading this: You don’t have to be the conductor, the orchestra, and the audience all at once. Reach out, find your beat, and let your tribe help you carry the song.

Welcome back to Wellbeing Wednesday. Today, I want to get real about a type of “noise” that is currently playing very loudly in many of our lives, and most definitely in mine: Financial Stress.

Between the creeping cost of petrol and the grocery shop, and those “life happens” bills (in my house recently, it’s been a flurry of unexpected vet trips and the unavoidable expense of new glasses for our youngest and me), it can feel like we are constantly bracing for the next hit. When you are self-employed or managing a household, that financial “bass note” can become a constant, low-frequency thrum of anxiety that makes it nearly impossible to hear anything else.

So, how do we actively monitor and maintain our wellbeing when the “Body Budget” is being drained by the actual budget? How do we find the space to breathe when the numbers aren’t adding up?

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1. Acknowledging the “Alarm”

Financial stress isn’t “all in your head.” It is a physiological trigger. When we worry about money, our bodies enter a state of survival arousal. Our heart rate climbs, our breathing shallows, and our “creative brain” shuts down to make room for “survival brain.”

• The Wellbeing Truth: You cannot “positive-think” your way out of a bill, but you can prevent the stress of that bill from breaking your instrument.
• The Practice: Acknowledge the feeling. Say it out loud: “I am feeling a spike of financial anxiety right now.” By naming it, you move the stress from an overwhelming “cloud” to a specific data point you can manage.

2. Hunting for “Glimmers”

In trauma-informed care, we talk about Glimmers (the opposite of triggers). A glimmer is a micro-moment of safety, beauty, or connection that tells your nervous system, “In this exact second, I am okay.”

• The Music Therapy Link: When the “Financial Static” is loud, we have to actively tune our ears to a different frequency.
• The Practice: Seek out one “zero-cost” glimmer a day. The way the light hits the trees on your drive (even if the petrol is expensive), the perfect rhythm of a bird’s song, or the warmth of a shared laugh over a cup of tea. These aren’t “distractions”; they are vital nervous system resets.

3. Using the “Breath of Agency”

When bills pile up, we feel a loss of control. We feel like life is “happening” to us. Mindful breathing is the quickest way to reclaim your Agency.

• The Exercise: The 4-7-8 Reset.
  • Inhale for 4 (Taking in what you need).
  • Hold for 7 (Creating a space of stillness).
  • Exhale for 8 (Releasing the “static”).
• The Clinical Twist: Try repeating this with a low hum on the exhale. Place your hand on your chest and feel the vibrations of the humming in your body. Allow the physical sensation to focus the brain into that centred place. You can do this anywhere, extend it into a longer hum, a song, or some “sirens”….whatever feels good. Focus on the sensation of the vibration moving through your body and into your hands.
• Why it works: The long exhale stimulates the Vagus Nerve, physically forcing your body out of “Survival Mode” and back into “Rest and Digest.” It won’t pay the vet bill, but it will give you the mental clarity to handle the phone call.

4. The “No-Cost” Soundtrack

Music is one of the few transformative tools we have that doesn’t have to cost a penny.

• The Practice: The “Abundance” Playlist. Create a playlist of songs that make you feel “rich” in spirit—songs that remind you of your history, your strength, and your Authentic Self.
• The Hum of Safety: When the panic rises, try humming a low, steady note. That vibration is a physical reminder that your “Haven” is internal and portable, no matter what the bank balance says.

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Your Financial Stress Toolkit:

• Active Acknowledgement: Don’t suppress the fear; name it and then breathe through it.
• Glimmer Hunting: Find three tiny things today that are beautiful and free.
• The Vagal Exhale: Use the 8-count hummed exhale to clear the “static.”

Try using the Glimmer Checklist below to help you to acknowledge and embrace these micro moments.

MOST IMPORTANTLY:

Try to find the space to embrace your own creativity, whatever your heart song is. Five minutes to journal, paint, sing, or just run around, even a glimmer of this can help to reconnect you through the overwhelm that feels out of your control.

Wellbeing isn’t about having a perfect life; it’s about having a resilient one. Even when the chords are clashing and the rhythm is difficult, you are still the conductor of your own breath.