Wellbeing Wednesday: Haven Songs. Building Your Musical Safety Net

Welcome back to Wellbeing Wednesday. As we move through these late winter weeks, the concept of a “Haven” feels more important than ever.

In music therapy, we often talk about music as a container. Just as the walls of your home provide shelter from the wind, certain songs can provide an “musical shelter” for your nervous system. These are what I call Haven Songs—pieces of music that instantly signal to your brain and body: “You are safe. You are held. You are home.”

Today, we’re looking at how to identify and use Haven Songs for yourself and your children to build a lasting sense of connection and security. (There’s a little insight into why my Early Years work is also entitled, Haven Songs….. supporting families to find, build and maintain their musical safety nets.

1. The Science of the “Musical Anchor”

Why does a certain song instantly make your shoulders drop? It’s a process called associative conditioning.

The Music Therapy Link: When we experience a moment of safety or love while a specific song is playing, our brain “tags” that melody. Later, when we are stressed or dysregulated, playing that same song can bypass our logical brain and speak directly to the amygdala (the brain’s alarm system), switching it from “Red Alert” to “Green.”
The Practice: Identify your own Haven Song. It’s usually not the “coolest” song on your playlist; it’s the one that feels like a warm blanket. It might be a song your parents sang, a track from a favorite movie, or a melody that got you through a tough time.

2. Creating Havens for Children: The “Lullaby Effect”

For children, Haven Songs are the ultimate tool for co-regulation. Because a child’s nervous system is still developing, they “borrow” the calm from yours.

The Practice: Establish a “Signature Song” for your family. This is a song you sing or play during the “sweet spots” of the day, cuddling on the sofa, bath time, or right before bed.
The Benefit: By consistently playing this song in moments of peace, you are pre-loading it with “safety data.” When your child has a meltdown at the supermarket or is scared at the doctor’s office, humming that specific melody provides an immediate “Haven” in a chaotic environment.

3. Connection Through “Shared Resonance”

A Haven Song doesn’t just soothe the individual; it binds the family together. When you sing or listen together, your biological rhythms (heart rate, breathing, and even brain waves) begin to entrain (sync up).

The Music Therapy Tip: You don’t need to be a “good” singer. The most effective Haven Songs are those sung by a loved one. The imperfections in your voice make it human, relatable, and safe.
The Ritual: Make “Haven Moments” part of your weekly routine. No screens, no distractions, just 5 minutes of your family’s favorite grounding music.

How to Choose Your Haven Songs:

The Tempo: Look for songs with a steady, “walking” pace (around 60–80 BPM). This mimics a resting heartbeat.
The Texture: Soft, acoustic instruments (piano, acoustic guitar, or a gentle voice) are generally more “sheltering” than synthetic or high-frequency sounds.
The History: Choose songs that have no “stress baggage.” A Haven Song should be a “clean” space for your emotions.

Your Journey to Being You

As we’ve discussed before, your life is a consolidation. Your Haven Songs might be a mix of the songs your grandmother sang to you, the tracks you loved in London, and the lullabies you now sing to your own children. They are the musical threads that keep you anchored through every chapter of your journey, unifying your journey, leading you to your Hiraeth Haven.

Here’s an insight into some of my Haven Songs, for me, and my family.