Wellbeing Wednesday: Tuning Into “Matrescence”. Using Music to Navigate the Ultimate Identity Shift

Welcome back to Wellbeing Wednesday. Today, I want to talk about a word that isn’t used nearly enough, yet it describes one of the most seismic, earth-shattering transitions a human being can experience. That word is Matrescence.

Coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael and beautifully explored in Lucy Jones’ groundbreaking book Matrescence, it describes the deep physical, psychological, social, and emotional transition of becoming a mother. Lucy Jones writes about it not as a fleeting phase or a simple case of “the baby blues,” but as a total overhaul of the self; a developmental shift as massive, hormonal, and disorienting as adolescence.

During matrescence, the woman you used to be and the mother you are trying to become often clash. You are navigating an intense “Acoustic Overload” of crying, toys, and advice, all while grieving your old life (that deep sense of Hiraeth I often talk about here).

As a music therapist, a mum, and someone who intimately understands this transition, I want to explore how we can use music as a lifeline to support our mental health, protect our “body budget,” and find a safe haven within ourselves during this profound identity shift.

1. Music to Validate the “Split Self”

One of the core themes in Matrescence is the feeling of being split in two. You are fiercely protective of this new little life, yet desperately longing for your independent, uninterrupted old self. This internal conflict can make you feel incredibly guilty and isolated.

• The Music Therapy Link: The Dissonant Chord. In music, a dissonant chord contains notes that clash and create tension. It isn’t “bad” music; it is essential for creating depth, drama, and eventual resolution. Matrescence is inherently dissonant. You are allowed to feel deep love and deep exhaustion at the exact same time.
• The Practice: The “Two-Sided” Playlist. Create a personal playlist that bridges your two worlds. Include songs that remind you of your pre-motherhood identity (the songs you danced to, traveled to, or worked to) alongside songs that bring you peace in your new role.
• The Goal: Listening to your history reminds your nervous system that the melody of your life is still there. You haven’t vanished; your song is just expanding.

2. Upgrading Your “Acoustic Environment”

When you are in the thick of matrescence, your sensory boundaries are constantly breached. The baby is crying, the washing machine is humming, the toys are making electronic noises, and your internal critic is analyzing every move. This high-stimulus environment keeps your brain in a state of constant survival arousal.

• The Wellbeing Truth: You cannot always control the environment around you, but you can introduce a “buffer” to protect your instrument.
• The Practice: The Sonic De-Escalation. If the sensory overload is peaking, put in a single wireless headphone (leaving one ear open for safety) and play a low-frequency, lyric-free track—like gentle ambient piano or Green Noise (the sound of wind through trees).
• Why it works: By intentionally masking the chaotic frequencies of the room with a steady, predictable rhythm, you tell your vagus nerve that you are safe. It lowers your heart rate and prevents you from slipping into full “Superwoman” panic mode.
• An Extension to this may be to share this sound, pop it on for the rest of the family to hear too…. it may well be that they are seeking some safety too. Try using music like “Weightless” by Marconi Union, a track I have mentioned before and is associated with anxiety reduction.

3. The Power of the Shared Pulse: Community, Funding, and Safe Spaces

You cannot survive a planetary shift like matrescence on your own. Lucy Jones highlights how modern society isolates mothers, keeping them tucked away behind closed doors, expected to figure it out in silence. But human mothers were always meant to raise children in a village.

• Creating a Space to Share Freely: We desperately need spaces where the “public mask” can be dropped. A space where you can sit down, look another mother in the eyes, and say, “I am drowning today,” and be met with absolute validation instead of a critique. When we share our messy tries freely with others who truly understand, the heavy shame of not being “perfect” completely evaporates.
• Why Funding is Vital: True community support shouldn’t be a luxury available only to those who can afford expensive private classes. Securing funding for accessible maternal wellbeing groups, community music therapy sessions, and creative hubs is vital. I was lucky to recieve funding to start my Haven Songs Music Therapy group, but it now runs on a voluntary basis. But I am passionate to ensure that every caregiver, regardless of financial position, has access to a Safe Haven where she can find her tribe.
• The Music Therapy Link: Common Ground. In a group setting, music acts as the ultimate equalizer. When mothers gather to sing, hum, or play instruments together, their nervous systems physically synchronize. You don’t have to explain your burnout to the room; your shared pulse speaks for you. At the end of our therapy session we also allow time for a cuppa and a chat, a chance to share your fears, thoughts, feelings with other caregivers who can understand and empathise with you. It is a space made for caregivers to unburden, regulate and connect.

4. Reclaiming Agency Through the “Vocal Cradle”

Lucy Jones talks about how mothers are often viewed merely as vessels or caregivers, losing their own agency in the process. Singing or vocalizing is one of the quickest, zero-cost ways to reclaim your body as yours.

• The Exercise: The Mother’s Humming Reset. When holding your baby, or even when you finally get a moment alone in the bathroom, place one hand on your chest. Take a deep, 4-count breath into your belly, and let out a long, low, gentle hum on the exhale.
• The Clinical Science: The physical vibration of humming stimulates the vagus nerve in your throat and chest, physically forcing your body out of fight-or-flight and into a state of “Rest and Digest.” Beautifully, if you are holding your baby, they will feel that physical vibration too, co-regulating both of your nervous systems simultaneously.

Your Matrescence Wellbeing Toolkit:

• The “Me” Track: Listen to just one song today that has absolutely nothing to do with children or parenting. Listen to it purely because it feeds your soul.
• The Space Check: Look for funded or local community-led creative groups in your area this week. Reaching out to a shared space is an investment in your mental health. And if you are Pembrokeshire based and would like to join the Haven Songs Therapy group, please do drop me a message, you will be very welcome. 😀
• The Collective Hum: If you have a friend who is also navigating motherhood, skip the tidy coffee shop date. Sit in the living room, put your phones away, and just let the kids play while you two talk honestly, warts and all.

Becoming a parent is a profound re-tuning of your entire being. Give yourself the unconditional grace to navigate this transition one note at a time, and remember, you were never meant to sing this song alone, you can find a tribe that will welcome and share this journey with you.